Olivia's Blog

Free write 7

Free write 7

In this essay about racial injustice, the writer begins his essay with a synopsis of an event that occurred in 1977 involving an act of racism at an integrated high school. The writer continues on to discuss specific events in time that have shown examples of racial injustice and ties in statistics from multi racial schools that have had these types of problems in the past. He ties in personal knowledge of the topic and proves that he has a good understanding of his argument. Not only did the writer incorporate quotes, statistics, and personal knowledge and experience, he also included photos of the signs that were used to exclude or forewarn. These signs if placed in a random location would not have the same racial connotation as they do where they are actually placed. As a visual learner, I benefitted from the use of visuals in this essay. I think it gives the reader a better explanation and a greater understanding of the argument that the writer is trying to make. Interviews were his main form of primary research, which I feel are the most effective. Conducting interviews are the best way to find how the public feels about a certain situation.  In my primary research for my final essay, I chose to create surveys and conduct interviews to get a general unbiased opinion of my argument. I feel that this writer did the same and it works really well with the reliability and credibility of his proposal. There are certain points in this paper where primary research was necessary. Without the interviews from the police officials and educators, the research and claims would have been unreliable.  The quote placement was very effective. The transitions were very smooth and I admired the way he argued his research and used them in conversation with one another.

If I were to grade this paper, I’m not sure I would give it an A because I feel an A paper could be written by a professional and I felt this essay was written by a younger writer and it showed in certain parts. I would most likely give it an A- because of its organization, primary research, and development of the argument. The citations were clear and the transitions were very smooth and were placed correctly and efficiently. The use and credibility of the writer’s primary research was very effective. The inclusion of the three images was also effective when he discussed the racial exclusion in that specific area. The writer’s personal examples and experience also gave this paper the x-factor it needed to justify his main arguments. I felt engaged with this essay and felt his claim was very strong through out the entire paper. In my opinion, this research paper should receive high marks on this paper.


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